Many Times in Many Ways
by Hikako
Summary: MMM, Puckleberry! My new favorite flavor.
1. Chapter 1

This is the first in what I hope to be a series of one- or two-shots centering around the Glee clubbers, some will be AU, future-fic, or whatever I decide to write about. Each chapter will center on one couple or another with possible crossover with other chapters so don't feel bad if you get confused. This was marginally inspired by New York I Love You so some of the first few chapters might feel familiar. If you have an idea for a story or a favorite couple let me know and I will try to write a chapter for you.

I don't own Glee or any of its characters.

Chapter 1: Strangers

By Hikako

Santana Lopez strode down the dirty New York streets with an air of confidence that her mother would say bordered on arrogance. Santana didn't care, she knew who she was, what she was, and that she was tough enough to handle anything life threw at her. Life, of course, being the irrational, shit-flinging, bitch she was. Today however Life had turned away from the young Latina from the heartland and focused of someone else because today had been a good day.

She had gotten to work early and prepared, for once in a billion years, just in time to impress old Mr. Cooper. She doubted anything would come from it but Mr. Cooper had mentioned something about a raise or promotion as he toddled away to his corner office. Her coworker and friend Miranda had brought coffee for the two of them and Santana's had been just _perfect_, exactly how she liked it. There were no printer errors, no fit-throwing copiers, or angry clients all day; everything was smooth and orderly like a well-oiled machine.

The weather was beautiful, extra special it was early November and winter was gearing up, so Santana and Miranda had decided to have sandwiches in the park across the street. Sitting there, chatting about nothing important or earth-shattering for once, Santana enjoyed the weather while listening to her friend talk about the new guy in her life. The street vendor had gotten their order correct, Santana's tuna on rye had the perfect amount of mayonnaise without too many pickles, and every male jogger turned their heads to admire the way her legs looked in her skirt. Damn right they should!

Everything was so perfect that when Miranda invited her out for drinks with her new guy Santana didn't think twice before saying yes. Here she was, hours later, walking down the street to their favorite club, dressed to die as only the H.B.i.C. could! You know it! It was her favorite red dress that went just far enough down her thigh to draw attention to her legs fitted in her favorite stilettos. She had made damn sure she looked at her best before leaving the apartment, her makeup was done right, her hair styled just the way she liked it, and her skin shined thanks to the $75-an-ounce lotion an ex-boyfriend had bought her. The bouncer waved her over and let her in without hesitation, and Santana made sure to throw her best 'Imma bitch' smirk at the slutty girls standing first in line as she walked past.

The beat thundered in the air as the sea of bodies moved in rhythm to it, the cool night air becoming instantly too warm as Santana pushed her way to her friends at the bar. Miranda had also invited Heather, her roommate, and a good friend Sarah. It was almost a girls' night except Miranda's new man showed up and after the introductions was able to keep Miranda busy on the dance floor. Heather and Sarah were busy doing shots with a couple guys they just met when Santana heard a husky voice behind her.

"Buy you a drink, beautiful?" Santana turned around and looked at the guy before her up and down. He looked put-together, a little too much, like he had help or something. Santana got a little suspicious.

"Got one." She replied smirking up at him, even if she was standing he easily would've dwarfed her by at least a foot. As if to reiterate the point she sipped her martini, knowing she looked every bit the femme fatale she was.

"So buy me one!" he replied with a small laugh, and the easy sound made her giggle along with him. "Pretty woman like you shouldn't drink alone." The lopsided grin on his face telling Santana his intentions.

"What makes you think I'm alone?" Santana said gesturing behind her, not really caring if her friends were there. She knew this game and she could play it well. She turned to the bar and set her martini down before becoming engrossed with a disco ball on her opposite side.

"So where is your boyfriend?" he asked. God, Santana thought, this could almost be scripted! "Don't have one." She replied, her confident smile on her face. He gestured at the hand holding her glass, "Don't tell me YOU'RE married!" his tone too tragic to be real.

Santana couldn't help it; this guy was just too cheesy! Genuinely smiling at him she extended her hand which he took gingerly, "Santana Lopez." His lopsided grin returned as let fingers slide over her luminous skin.

"Finn Hudson."

The atmosphere in the cab was tense, and not in a bad way. Santana and Finn had chatted for almost two hours at the bar, before the tipsy couple decided to share a cab. They left the club; hands grasped, and made their way out to the street.

Santana couldn't help her mood, Finn was just too easy to talk to, he made her laugh, and she absolutely melted when he grinned at her. As the drinks flowed, so too did the conversation, and the drunker Santana was the more 'hands on' she became. Finn was okay that. Eventually Santana heard her favorite song come on and she dragged him out onto the dance floor, despite his protests that he was a terrible dancer.

He'd get no argument from her on that, he could barely bounce from one leg to another along with the beat without tripping over his limbs, but at that point Santana didn't care. Finn essentially became a pole or support that Santana moved against her hips and ass against as she moved with the beat. It wasn't long before Finn's _attention_ was peaked and the inebriated couple was practically dry humping. Santana arm snaked around his head and pulled him down so their lips met, after several minutes of some hot dance-mackin' as her little sister would put it Santana suggested a cab.

As the car worked its way down the crowded streets the action in the back went from PG-13 to R. Finn's and Santana's lips seemed fused together, only parting to let one of their tongues explore the other's mouth. While Finn arm around her shoulders and his other hand on her knees. After several minutes Santana frustratingly thought it must've been glued there, she was about to say something when Finn, as if sensing her feelings, slowly moved it up her leg.

Santana's hands were tangled in his hair as she furiously did her best to convey her desire to Finn. If only he would move his hand a little bit faster! It was driving her crazy, what kind of man was content to feel the skin of a woman's inner thigh! It wasn't like there was a lot of skirt to get in the way. Santana couldn't help the groan that escape her throat as Finn's hand dipped deeper and he grazed his fingertips where her panties should've been. Finn surprise was evident in the tension that shot through his body and Santana felt like she had won a prize.

They broke apart when the cabbie loudly cleared his throat, for the second time, and announced their fare was $22.34. Finn, his breathing slow and deep, whispered to Santana. "Walk you to the door, beautiful?" The look she sent him clearly said _'you sure as shit better! And then some!'_

Santana groaned as she let out the knots in her muscles. The sunlight streaming in through the windows was almost too much for the slightly-hung-over woman, and normally she would've lain right back down and gone back to sleep. Especially since there lay Finn, the sheets bunched around his waist and his well-muscled physique on display in the late morning light. But the pounding on the front door wouldn't go away! Slipping on her pink silk robe Santana made her way to the door of her apartment, yawning as she went. As soon as she flicked the lock the heavy wood door flew open and a blur shot out of the hallway and latched itself to Santana's leg.

"Hi Mami!" Ten-year-old Catalina practically shouted as she looked up lovingly at her mother with her enormous chocolate brown eyes. Her black hair was braided in pigtails and she was in her favorite outfit: a pink tutu, sky blue tights, and red t-shirt. "Hey baby!" Santana replied with as much enthusiasm, her fatigue gone with the appearance of her daughter.

"Sorry about this." Puck said as he pushed the door open further and walked in, Cati's bags in hand. "She wouldn't wait any longer and my mom had to work a half-shift."

Santana smiled at him as she disentangled herself from her daughter and moved to help Puck with the bags. "It's okay; I appreciate you taking her for as long as you did." Puck's head shot up when he heard the door to Santana's bedroom open, and he saw Finn standing there bare-chested and bleary-eyed.

"So… how was date night?" Puck asked a twinkle in his eye that said he knew exactly what went on. Santana would've slapped him if her hands were full. Instead she smirked at him and said, "It was awesome."

"Daddy!" Cati squealed as she launched herself at Finn, who quickly hugged and kissed his daughter before throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. "Hey Prima Ballerina!"

Puck laughed and shook his head, "I gotta go," he said, "Rachel OB-GYN appointment's in an hour."

"Bye Uncle Puck!" Catalina said, waving emphatically from her father's shoulders.


	2. Chapter 2

This is a little something I was inspired to do based on Tuesday's episode "Britney/Brittany." It's a one-shot, not in any particular vein of story, so it could considered AU. Also included is a clue about which couple will be featured in the next chapter: just a little something to entertain myself between bouts of inspiration. As always if there is a particular situation or couple (or even a funny quote or writing prompt) you would like to see, please feel free to let me know.

Chapter 2: Anesthesia

by Hikako

Santana Lopez practically beamed as she saw the football land perfectly in the receiver's hands, whose feet firmly landed in the end zone. The entire stadium was deadly silent, so quiet Santana swore she could almost hear the sound of the receiver landing, before every single person on the McKinley side erupted into cheers and shouts of joy while waving banners, foam fingers, or their hands in the air. William McKinley High, once the laughingstock of the football circuit in Ohio, had become state champions! The Cheerios pulled out all the stops, their best routines, as Coach Sylvester tried to keep them from rushing onto the field. Nobody, however, could keep the parents and fans of McKinley from flowing like an avalanche towards the young men who had seemed to do the impossible. Coach Beiste was the epitome of 'restrained joy' as Mr. Schue (who was oddly proud considering he had done nothing to help achieve this victory) and her put their arms around the others' shoulders, Beiste's trademark lopsided grin threatening to break out into a full smile!

Like a cheesy football movie, the world seemed to slow down for Santana as she gazed towards the heart of the celebration: the football players. The crowd parted like the Red Sea, and for a moment Finn stopped shaking hands, no slaps on the back, and his eyes slowly wandering towards Santana's. He face went blank (not all that unusual) but it seemed not confusion but peace that radiated from him and the edges of his lips curled up at her. Then, as soon as it came, the moment ended and everyone went back to their normal speeds and Finn was lost in a crowd of congratulations.

"That was truly an excellent example of physical performance!" Rachel said, her BFF necklace clearly seen on top of her white t-shirt with '20' in red on it. Santana rolled her eyes at threw her arm around the tiny girl, before saying "And we won, Rach!" Santana's attention turned to the pink bundle in her other arm, and she lifted the baby to eye-level, Santana's chocolate brown eyes looking back at her from the face of the child. "Did you see Daddy throw that touchdown, sweetie?" The child very seriously stared back at her mother before letting a gurgle and smiling.

The bright lights of Dr. Howell's exam room struck Santana's eyes as he removed the mask from her face. Quickly moving over to Brittany, who lay in the next chair, he smiled at the two teenagers. "Did we have sweet dreams, ladies?"

"I was bald... and beating up people with an umbrella... it was like Cheer Camp all over again."

Dr. Howell's smile lessened slightly and his eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "How about you, Santana?" he asked, turning to the Latina.

Santana had a look of absolute dread, or she looked like she was about to vomit or maybe burst into tears, as she turned her head to Dr. Howell, then looked at Brittany, and finally turned to stare at the ceiling. She inhaled deeply... and then proceeded to scream.

The End


	3. Chapter 3

A friend of mine's costume, along with huge amounts of caffeine, and too many viewings of Lea Michele doing 'Baby One More Time' is responsible for this chapter. It's different from the first two chapters, and since I don't root for any particular couple (just whatever takes my fancy at the moment of writing) I'm pretty sure this will bounce around the Glee section. The two characters, for future reference, of the last chapter will always decide where this goes, so if it disappears for a while and appears again later don't feel disoriented. For instance it was Finntana, now its Puckleberry, and if I write an Artie-Tina-Mike chapter it'll be under those characters. As always, reviews and criticisms are welcome and if there is a particular couple you want to see don't hesitate to ask for a special chapter. Thank you.

Chapter 3: Trick-or-Treat

by Hikako

God damn it, this girl was crazy! Not off, not peculiar, not a little kookie! Fucking batshit, off-the-wall, 'it puts the lotions on its skin,' completely fuck-nuts! Fuck his life!

Puck was a badass, everybody knew that, you didn't go anywhere in Lima, Ohio where there wasn't someone who could inform you of that fact. Being a badass meant you spent Halloween T. someone's house, you scared preteens with childish antics and ghost stories just so you could then forcibly remove their candy from them... and when the fuck did he start using words like 'forcibly?' Oh right, around the time Rachel let him touch her boobs (full contact, under the bra, no time limit: AWESOME). Damn her! Badasses STOLE kids' candy or terrorized elderly people or egged things! They didn't trick or treat.

So then why was she standing there with a doctor's coat and stethoscope saying how it would be nice to take his little sister trick-or-treating, and how if he didn't wear this get-up he would 'completely throw off the theme of their costumes and severely tarnish beloved memories of his sister and perhaps even Rachel herself since this was their first Halloween together.' That whole Jewish guilt trip thing... that was powerful stuff. Luckily Rachel only pulled it out for really important things when everything else failed otherwise Puck would be completely screwed.

So Puck took his sister Sarah door to door and begged for small morsels of candy and trying to hide his scowl when middle-aged mothers and elderly aunts or grandmothers went on and on about how cute it was that he would take his little sister (dressed as a nurse) trick-or-treating dressed as a doctor. What Puck couldn't understand, and thought about on the short treks between houses was why Rachel wasn't here. She had gone on about how important it was, the whole theme of their costumes or whatever, and then she doesn't even show up? What was that about? They had been ready and all set to head out when Rachel texted Puck that she wasn't going but that he needed to stop by her place after (and to keep his costume on. Why? He learned not to ask questions like that).

Finally, when their bags were loaded with candy and the twerp was starting to get tired, the Puckerman siblings returned home. Leah Puckerman sent her daughter up to bed after allowing her five pieces of candy (not counting the four Sarah hid in her pockets when her mother wasn't looking: just like Puck had taught her because he was a badass for a brother like that). Puck said good-bye to his mother and headed out, feeling stupid for keeping this damn costume on. The drive over to Rachel's house was nerve-raking, not because of any angst on his part but because little bastards thought it was funny to run out into the street and act like dumbasses. Normally he wouldn't have cared but damn Rachel and her magical boobies! They were kryptonite for badasses!

Ten minutes later Puck stands in front of the Berrys' house and knocks on the door like a five-year-old, unconsciously noticing that neither Mr. Berry's car is in the driveway. Puck hears the door open and he turns about to make a smart-ass comment when he sees Rachel standing in the doorway. Except that's not Girlfriend Rachel Berry in the entrance, that Slutty Nurse Rachel Berry complete with stile to heels, white stockings stopping mid-thigh, a LOT of exposed magically kryptonite cleavage in a bright red bra that stands out from the white nurses' uniform, and two pigtails.

"Oh, Dr. Puckerman!" Rachel said in a high-pitched version of Brittany, her brown eyes big and staring up at him vacantly, "Did you come to check my vitals?" Rachel turned around and looked over her shoulder, giving Puck a great view of how small that skirt was (barely covering her ass). "Are you going to want to take my temperature as well?"

Meanwhile the only thought going through Puck's head at that moment?

Best batshit, off-the-wall, fuck-nuts, crazy girlfriend EVER!


	4. Chapter 4

This is a little something I was inspired to do based on Tuesday's episode "Furt" Also from the story 'So Fucked Up.' As always if there is a particular situation or couple (or even a funny quote or writing prompt) you would like to see, please feel free to let me know.

Chapter 4: Slip

by Hikako

The tension hung thick in the room as they sat on opposite sides of the bed and starred at the walls. It wasn't sexual tension, that they knew how to work through no problem, this was a different kind of tension that neither was fully prepared to deal with.

He sat on his side, hands on his knees, while his eyes searched the dresser in front of him for a clue as to what he should do next. Bottles of perfume and an opened jewelry box remained mum as to any suggestions they had for him. It wasn't often that he couldn't think of something to do or say in a situation, least of all in the bedroom, but he was grasping at straws not to mention the emotional turmoil he was feeling didn't help much. He took a deep breath and turned his head as if he was going to say something over his shoulder but shook his head as he exhaled loudly in the silent room. His mouth opened and his lips started to move but nothing came out except air being pushed through his straining throat, waiting for that one word to start so that all the rest of them could pour out like an avalanche. He finally huffed and put his head in his hand, running his fingers through what little hair he had.

She couldn't be the one to start talking, her mouth had already gotten herself into enough trouble tonight, so she bore holes into the floor with her eyes while she kept the tears from flowing from her eyes. How in the name of the Holy Virgin could she possibly have said that? Right when they were in the middle of... Stupid! Although if she was being honest with herself it wasn't like she didn't know this was going to happen sooner or later. She should have known that back when she decided to close her eyes and pretend, the first time had taken a lot of courage and she swore she would never do it again for this exact reason. The second time was easier, she had already gotten away with it, and soon every time she was doing it. After that it was easier to constantly close her eyes and pretend: before, after, even when they kissed. After all, its not really cheating if it's only happening in her mind.

Despite the rationalizing she knew that wasn't true though, it _was_ cheating; it was the worst kind of cheating because it meant that he really couldn't get angry without sounding like an asshole. What guy has never closed his eyes and thought of Natalie Portman every once in a while? The guilt, the pressure sitting on her chest that refused to move no matter what she did, that was the worst part and she didn't relish the idea of what was coming next.

"Do you love him?" It actually burned as he forced it out of his mouth, but he needed to know. There was no way he could go to sleep tonight without knowing the answer to that question, hell there was probably no way he was going to sleep sober tonight anyway so why not make the alcohol worth the hangover. At first nothing was her response but a strangled sob that escaped from her iron control over her emotions told him everything before she started talking.

"I love him..." she half-whispered into the still air around them, the pause sounding louder than her words, "I love him as much... as you love her." His head whipped around so fast he almost pulled something, a denial already half-out of his mouth before he gave up entirely on denying it. This was not the time for half-truths or outright lies, this was time for the truth. A small, self-deprecating laugh escaped his lips and a look of absolute self-loathing crossed his face. "Well," he started, "Ain't we a pair."

The halls of McKinley High were busy the next morning when she walked up to him. She approached quietly so when he turned around he jumped a little and looked around like a cornered animal. If he only knew. "Oh," he said sounding as scared as he looked, "Hey Santa-." He was cutoff as she threw her arms around his neck and pull his head down, crushing his lips with her's. It was quick, only a moment before she let him go and stepped back. The hallway was suddenly a lot less quiet and everybody was moving slower, but she only concentrated on him. He looked stunned, he was blinking a lot, but then he locked eyes with her. Almost imperceptibly his hand came out and gently went around her waist, before he started to pull her in closer. Leaning down he kissed her while her arms again went around his next and in front of everybody they did their best to swap tonsils.

On the other side of the hallway, he watched them with envy before setting his jaw in determination and moving forcefully around the corner. He stopped as if he had been hit by a wall when he saw her. She had her trolley open and was loading an impossible amount of textbooks into it. Just watching her literally took his breath away, along with his courage. He stood there, mentally goading himself to work up the gall, and failing miserably. All too soon she finished and walked down the hall, right past him, flashing him a thousand-watt smile. "Good morning, Noah."

"Hey." he said as she continued past him and walked to her first class.

_Pussy_.


	5. Chapter 5

This was going to be a LOT longer, but I kind of wrote myself to this end and it just kind of refuses to budge. So here it is, short, sweet and to the point! Please review and let me know what couple to do for the next chapter. Thank you!

Chapter Five: Fair

"Finn, stop!" she just barely gets the words out, more like whispers them but they're loud enough. Their lips are just barely touching, the slightest of grazes is all she's going to allow at the moment, but she feels overwhelmed by him. His scent fills her nostrils, he towers over her, she can feel his body heat radiating across to her, his biceps are taunt under her fingertips, and from his ragged breathing she knows he's barely able to hold himself back. She can feel a tightness in her chest as she pushes against his arms, willing him to back up when every fiber of her being screams to be taken in them instead. She wants that more than anything else in the world right now, to feel safe and protected in his arms shielded from everything that could force them apart and locked safely up in their private world. Her heart is begging her to forget Puck, her brain yells at her that she loves the dumb former quarterback, and her soul cries out for its other half, but she ignores them until he is an arm's length away and the breath she was holding escapes.

"San..." is all he says, and with that one little word he conveys everything he's feeling. He knows she knows too, the pain of pushing him away is written clearly on her face to anyone who knows her well enough. Which means he's the only one who can see it. He's not smart, he knows that, he does what he feels is right when it feels right to do it and he pushes negative thoughts of consequences out of his head. Ironically it's something he learned to do from Puck of all people. That's how they ended up on this balcony, upstairs and away from the other guests, clinging to each other for dear life until her rational side took over again and she pushed him away. She was less than a yard away from him, and yet he has never felt more separate from her. He knows if his feelings were different this situation would be easy, if all he wanted was to bang his best friend's girlfriend she'd let him and they would be going at it like rabbits right now. In her own private and twisted code of ethics she would say it was only fair. If he just wanted to use her, as both sex object and tool for revenge, impregnate her and spread the word around in order to humiliate Puck like the latter had done to him back in high school, she would let him. In her own private and twisted code of ethics she would say it was fair.

He doesn't just want her body though he wants everything: every little thing from her kisses to her heart. He wants to wake up before her and watch as she crinkles her nose in that adorable fashion because she doesn't want to wake up herself. He wants lazy mornings in bed, brunch at two o'clock, and warm afternoons laying next to his pool. He wants to go to the scary movies she hates so she hides behind her hands like a two year old or buries her face in his chest. He wants to be scared shitless when Mr. Lopez shows off his gun collection, and embarassed when Mrs. Lopez pinches his cheek and says what beautiful grandchildren he'll give her. He wants her brothers to 'accidentally' knock him down several flights of stairs or have a 'hunting accident' whenever he hurts her and sends her crying to her parents' house. He wants to see that look of triumph on her face when she stares at Rachel and silently tells her to stay away from her man, bitch! He wants her and she wants him, but they can't be together, and in her own private and twisted code of ethics she would say that that was fair too. She's Santana Lopez, and she gets what she wants... but not what she needs.


	6. Chapter 6

Hi, everybody! First of all this chapter and the next one are going to be pure Sinn smut, so prepare yourselves because I'm not very good at it. Secondly if Finn seems... dumber than on TV or in my other fics I do it mostly for comedic effect. Hey, anything for a laugh. As always reviews are welcome, along with comments or suggestions about anything you want me to write about. P.S. If Santana comes across as racist to the taxi drivers, I'm basically copy and pasting from stuff I've actually heard come out of a New York cab before.

Chapter Six: Spicy, or Ways Finn Tried to Spice Up His Sex Life

By Hikako

It wasn't really Finn's fault, nobody ever accused him of having an overabundance of brains before, but the magazine had just been sitting there on the little coffee table in the waiting room. Santana had asked him to (i.e. _made _him) take her to her doctor's appointment, then she disappeared into one of exam rooms for twenty minutes. They had been together for nearly four years, she should have known he was bound to get in trouble if unattended for that long. He hadn't meant to read anything when he first picked it up he just really liked the model on the cover, it was Vogue or Vanity or something weird like that started with a 'v,' and he always had a thing for exotic looking girls (hence the half-Puerto Rican girlfriend). He hoped to find more pictures so he flipped through a few pages before a picture of a couple cuddling in bed caught his attention, and then he read the caption for the article 'Spicing Up Boring Sex-Lives.'

Very slowly the wheels in Finn's head started to turn and he thought back to the last few months, Santana and him HAD kind of gotten into a routine with their sex-lives. Not that it wasn't awesome (it _was_ Santana Lopez after all) but maybe, he thought to himself, this magazine was right and they needed to change things up. What if Santana got bored and dumped him? That thought alone made him stomach clench and his heart almost stop. Finn knew his strengths and weaknesses, or rather he had overheard as Santana giggled to Rachel or Brittany on the phone: 'size, stamina, satisfaction... and the Swirl.' But as far as coming up with new things... wasn't that Santana's job? Was that why they were here, Santana was getting tired of the same old, same old? Was she getting a clean bill of health before casting into the dating pool again? Finn felt like he was going to throw up, he needed something some new material and fast!

The small hand on his shoulder made Finn jump and let a little (manly) scream as it pulled Finn from his reverie. There stood his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend with her purse over one shoulder and a perfect eyebrow arching across her forehead. "Are you okay?" she asked, in a tone that told Finn he _better_ be okay.

"Oh! Uh, yeah. I'm fine." _Magazine, magazine!_ A voice screamed in his head before he nonchalantly and tactfully went about getting rid of the papery evidence in his hand (he gave it a quick toss behind his back where it landed noisily, while he sat there looking for all the world like a preteen boy caught with one of his dad's Playboys or a gassy toddler). With a roll of her eyes and a flick of her hair Santana wheeled around and headed for the door, moving purposefully while he scrambled to keep up.

"Whatever," she said in a bored tone of voice as they exited the hospital, "I'm hungry and I want a burger."

Two hours later, Finn dropped Santana off at her place. They had spent a very quiet meal at McDonald's where Finn watched in awe as his girlfriend devoured three Quarterpounders with cheese, a large fries, and topped it off with two cherry pies. When she wasn't eating, she was standoffish and evasive, not talking and looking at anything but Finn. The fears of single-hood returned as Finn tried to pry what was bothering his girlfriend out of her, with little or no success, before in a huff Santana stood up and stalked out of the restaurant, but not before ordering him to bring an order of cookies with him when he followed her. When they arrived at her apartment building in Brooklyn Santana wasted no time sliding out of the cab and wheeling around on one foot with a dancer's grace.

"Look, I'm really tired... so... I'll call you later!" was all she said before Finn got a face full of car door and rejection. If the cabbie thought he looked like a kid who just lost his favorite toy, well... that was because they had had a routine, and tonight was Sex Night. Slumping further down into the nasty backseat Finn looked at the buildings pass by, Lil' Finn wasn't gonna get any fun tonight. Terrified that at any moment a text message would appear declaring their relationship over, Finn took the stairs up to his own apartment two at time desperate to talk to his best friend and roommate, Puck. He arrived a second too late as she saw the Mohawked boy disappear into his own room with the brown haired diva that Finn used to date. Guess those two had a routine too.

As he sat on his bed (trying desperately to ignore the thumping of a headboard and perfect pitch screams of 'Oh Noah!' coming from behind his wall) Finn racked his brain trying to think of who could help him. Although he hated to do it, mostly because he didn't want to ever picture Burt doing _that_ with Finn's own mother, those two did have the longest relationship to date of anybody he knew. So swallowing his pride, and not a small amount of vomit, Finn called his stepfather.

"Spicy, huh?" the gruff voice of the mechanic said through the earpiece, "Well, on account of my bum ticker your mom and I don't really do much more than-"

"Burt! Man, come on." Finn yelled, trying to erase the horrible mental images.

"Alright, alright, no specifics, fine." The Hummel patriarch cleared his throat as he thought for a moment. "Uh... why don't you do something real romantic-like... try doing it first thing in the morning."

With a determined nod Finn packed a quick bag and headed out the door. A short cab ride later and he was knocking on Santana's door. She was already dressed for bed in an oversized t-shirt that said 'OSU' and slippers. He could tell by her face she was not amused.

"Look Finn, I said I was tired alright-"

"I know!" he replied real quickly, he had thought up this excuse in the cab over here. "Um, but Rachel's staying over with Puck and I was hoping..." he left the rest of the sentence hang in the air as understanding dawned on her face.

"Okay..." her begrudging tone wasn't exactly what Finn was hoping to hear, but whatever got him in the door. They passed the kitchen trash can before they got to the hallway and Finn noticed an empty carton of ice cream. Weird, Santana hated most dairy products. But as they settled into sleep Finn mused to himself that cuddling wasn't so bad, it wasn't sex but it wasn't bad. The next thing he knew a vicious shrill alarm was filling the air a split second before a sharp pain in his ribs jolted him from sleep as Santana elbowed him in a desperate attempt to turn off the alarm before it became too annoying.

All the TV shows that Finn had seen had made morning sex seem romantic enough: with some sun dappled sheets and lazy lounging about, but seeing as Santana had to wake up at six in the morning there was very little sun in her bedroom. There was also no lounging about as his fiery Latina girlfriend streaked out of bed like a bolt of lightning straight for the bathroom where without preamble (or even closing the door) Santana dropped her panties and proceeded to pee.

Loudly.

For several minutes.

_Oh yeah, _thought Finn sarcastically,_ this is getting me in the mood._

If Finn had any hopes that Santana was going to come back to bed to relieve some pent-up frustrations they were dashed when she made her way to the kitchen and began making coffee. Taking a few minutes to loosen up his own muscles, and relieve his own bladder _behind_ a closed door, Finn made his way to the little kitchen for his own cup of coffee. Santana was leaning up against the counter, a cup clasped in both hands right underneath her nose, as she struggled to wake herself fully.

"So why are you really here?" she asked not bothering to look up from the liquid tar she brewed. "I was hoping that if you were too tired last night, that maybe after a good night's sleep... I don't know... we could've possibly had morning sex." Almost before the words were out of his mouth Finn knew how stupid he sounded. For her part Santana let out a little bark of a laugh before ripping him a new one. "My hair is a gnarled bird's nest, I have dried mascara on my cheeks, and your class ring is imprinted into the side of my face. You really want a piece of this?" The look in her eyes told Finn that no, no he didn't really want a piece of that. Not for the price she was gonna extract from him. Rolling her eyes Santana set her mug down and pushed past her gargantuan boyfriend to head for the bathroom.

As soon as he heard the water for the shower running Finn searched the apartment for his cell, trying to think of someone, anyone, who would be awake at this time of day before it hit him. Artie had an early class at MIT, he would be awake and alert and, hell, the guy had Brittany S. Pierce practically wrapped around his little finger! If anybody could help Finn right now it was his boy Artie or at the very least Finn could try to get Brittany to explain where Santana's g-spot was again (it couldn't be that hard to find could it?).

"Forget it, she already went to the gym. Find it yourself!" Artie's voice came across clear as a bell before Finn even got a word out.

"Dude, quick, I'm like an inch away from losing my girlfriend! I need a way to spice up our sex lives and now!"

"Okay, okay. Calm down. She's gotta go to work in Manhattan right? So, try getting her to have sex in the taxi?"

"Tenderoni! You're a lifesaver man!"

Unfortunately, Finn had forgotten that Santana didn't trust the cabbies in Brooklyn, and she definitely wasn't going to let Finn near her after his half-assed attempt this morning. "Excuse me!" she practically screeched at the driver as she pushed herself forward towards the glass, "But that was a red light! Look I could give a damn if we get there within the next ten minutes, at this point I'm just hoping we get to Manhattan in one piece! So why don't you pull your turban out ya ass, turn down the Punjab Beat, and drive like they taught you at Immigration! Finn, why the hell don't you have your seat belt on?"

Yeah that was a no on taxi sex.

The drive back to Santana's place was spent trying to get a hold of Puck, who apparently was still knee-deep in Berry, because Finn obviously was going to reach the space shuttle before Puck picked up his cell. Flopping down on the couch Finn turned on ESPN before thinking about who else he could call. Alright if he couldn't get help from the Ladies' Man then he was going to half to go to the next best thing, the Man Lady himself, his stepbrother Kurt. Checking to make sure it wasn't too early in L.A. Finn skipped down his contacts list to Kurt's cell. Surprisingly Sam answered the phone.

"What are doing with my brother Lady Lips!"

"Chill, Finnessa, he and the girls are getting ready for an early shoot or something. I don't know, there's foundation and eyeliner flying like World War II out of that bathroom."

"Well, crap, hey you dated a girl once! Maybe you can help me."

"I've dated many girls, thank you, and oh, please tell me how I can help you."

"Well I'm trying to spice up Santana's and mine sex life and I was hoping-"

"Couch sex, just like in high school. Takes the girl back and makes it seem like your romance is that real heady stuff from freshman year, ya know?"

"That'll work?"

"Oh yeah, and the best thing is you won't need a rufi this time."

"A. Ha. Your momma."

"Oh, Kurt's waving at me... he says do it in the shower... and Lauren says try licking whip cream off of her... I gotta go clean out my brain now. Later Gigantor!"

"Bye, Bieber."

That night when Santana got home Finn convinced her to lay on the couch with him and watch "Piranha." It was their makeout movie from high school. Except that Santana fell asleep on his arm halfway through it and then Finn accidentally pushed her off and to the floor. Needless to say, she was pissed. The next morning was her day off, and in hind sight maybe it wasn't the best to try both Kurt and Lauren's ideas at the same time. After that Santana had had enough and booted his ass out of her apartment. Which worked perfectly with Puck suggestion of showing up late and unannounced. That earned Finn another face full of door. He was scrapping the bottom of the barrel when Mr. Schue suggested office sex, which didn't work since Santana had only a two-sided cubicle, and watching Basic Instinct and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. All Finn could think of was the look Santana would give him if he EVER tried to rip her clothes. The only thing that got smashed was a old glass and she wasn't even around for that, since Finn had dropped after reading her text message.

To Finn Hudson from Santana Lopez: OMG! WTF is your problem? I have been trying for 2 DAYS to tell you I'm pregnant and you keep coming up with weird sex things! If you ever want sexy-fun-time again you better show up to my apartment in the next six hours with a ring and an apology! XXX San


	7. Chapter 7

This was inspired by 'Comeback' and the fact that in the last few episodes Finn seems to have become an asshole (and a few too many 'Borgias' commercials). It's a one-shot that doesn't fit with anything else I've written, I just like the idea. Please read and review _especially _if you can see this happening on the show. I don't know about anybody else but I have always seen the Santana on the show as someone who gets off on 'evil.' I mean look at how happy she whenever she does something mean to anybody.

Chapter 7: Bitch

by Hikako

"So, I guess I'll see you Monday, right?" Sam Evans asked as he watched his new girlfriend fix her lipstick in the rearview mirror. They were sitting in her car in front of his house after making out for the last ten minutes and Sam didn't want to seem like an asshole by skipping out right after they were finished. "Sure, sure." Santana said not taking her attention off what she was doing, so Sam (feeling not a little tooted and booted) opened his door and was halfway out when she stopped him. "Oh, Sam," Santana said, a perfectly manicured hand holding a small disk to him. "Don't forget your... whatever this was supposed to be." Taking the small ceramic Sam forced a smile and tried to ignore the feeling of guilt as he walked to his house, Santana's wheels spinning behind him as she drove off, but all he could think was _Man, Quinn would've loved an _Avatar_ ashtray._

Santana's car zipped down the streets of Lima as she headed towards the place she really wanted to be all night long. _Seriously,_ she thought, _who the hell took a girl ceramic painting for a date?_ There were no storage closets, no darkened corners, absolutely no place for a quickie, where was the fun in something like that? She rolled her eyes despite the fact no one could see her disdain for the man-boy-girl who just exited her car. _I should get double points for making out with him, those enormous lips came close to swallowing my whole face. How did I end up doing the dirty work? _Her cell beeped, letting her know she got a text and that he was definitely getting impatient for news. Turning onto his street Santana smirked when she saw his light was still on and his window was open, she didn't know if it was good or bad that he just expected her to show up after a date but she pushed it out of her mind.

With the grace of a Cheerio and the stealth of a ninja, Santana effortlessly climbed onto the low hanging roof and across the slope to the open window, just as she had many times before in the last few weeks. His head jerked as he turned from the cell in his hand to look at her as she slipped inside, flashing a Head Bitch smile at him she sidled to the edge of the bed he was laying on. "Miss me?" she asked in a condescending tone, her reply was a raised eyebrow and a bored expression. God, he was so infuriating when he was in his Evil Genius-mode, it made her want to jump him then and there! "You were supposed to call when you were done." he said, sounding stern as Santana crawled onto the bed and made her way up his body Catwoman-style. "Worried that I was enjoying myself too much?" she mocked as moved her lips closer to his. "Worried that you might've accidentally been suffocated beneath his lady-lips." was his equally mocking reply. "It's business first then?" Santana said, trying not to sound disappointed, so she settled for sitting on him with their crouches semi-grinding, hoping to get him in the mood quicker. "Alright, fine." He couldn't help but muse that she looked like the spoiled brat she was, silently pouting at him. "Sam's feeling sad about leaving Quinn, but he isn't going anywhere for now."

"Ha!" he said, "Perfect. Quinn's going to try to move on, but I'll make sure everybody knows what went down with Sam. No guy is gonna go near her, and no girl is gonna be her friend." Putting his cellphone on the nightstand he folded his hands behind his head and pulled himself into a sitting position. "Zises was waffling about the whole thing after her performance, but I threw in an extra box of Milk Duds and a few more Mallomars and she heeled like a good dog." His voice got lower and deeper as moved closer to Santana's neck, whispering their plans against her skin like dirty talk. _God, _she thought as she fought to keep from whimpering and stroking his ego even more,_ he so knows how to turn me on!_ "But the kicker came after Glee club, I talked to Rachel in the hallways, pushed her to write songs and have her ignore the others' opinions. She'll be back to annoying everyone in the club before the week is out."

"Oh God, baby!" Santana moaned out before she could help herself. Almost as if at on cue Finn picked her up and with experienced arms turned her around and moved her to the mattress where he worked on getting that god-awful carousel sweater off of her. His lips moved across the soft skin towards her ear where he softly whispered. "Quinn will have no boyfriend, no Cheerios, soon no friends." Santana squirmed and groaned as she horizontally shimmied out of her skirt, Finn's hands moving confidently across her body. "Puck's going to be a laughing stock after the rare white rhino gets done with him. Not even Rachel will date him, especially after she goes back to being a singing freak." Santana was biting her lip so hard she could taste blood and her breathing was getting heavier, not that Finn seemed to notice as he continued his agonizingly slow pace. "Then you and I will be the undisputed, most popular couple at McKinley High... and we'll have our revenge on all of them." That was the point at which she lost it.

"Oh, Finn!" Santana screamed as she clutched his hair.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: This was something I just had to get out of my system before Tuesday's episode. I think those of us who write and support Finntana know it's like trying to hold back the ocean, but at the same time there's just something about this couple I feel really good about. Maybe it's the unlikeliness of Golden Boy and Slutty McBoobs together that makes it so appealing. Maybe I don't buy into the whole Santana fighting so hard for Puck and then the next episode deciding she loves Brittany. I don't know. I do have to say though, that the most recent Finntana stories are some of my favorite ones to date, and if this is the last one I write or read for a long time well so be it. As always I would love reviews, and any suggestions for future stories.

Chapter 8: Family

By Hikako

Growing up Puck had two great friends, Finn and Santana. Finn Hudson was his boy, the only other kid in all Lima Elementary with only one parent, and it just so happened that the absent parents were their dads. Yeah, he knew there was a great difference between Finn's dad dying when he was a baby fighting in some shitty desert or something, and Puck's dad walking out on his mom only a few months before but still the wound of not having a father was one they shared. Even though Kurt did lose his mom a few years later, it just wasn't the same. Sometimes Puck felt lucky that his dad was still alive, and every once in a great while would stop by the house for an hour or two when his band passed through the area. Sometimes he felt worse than Finn because Eli Puckerman _chose_ to leave his son behind, and Puck knew from looking at the pictures of Finn's dad holding Baby Finn that Liam Hudson would've held his little boy forever. Yeah it sucked sometimes, but they were best buds in the whole world, and not even knocking up the other's girl or certain bat-shit crazy brunette divas could end their friendship.

Of course freshman year at McKinley High school Puck would've willing cut himself off from Finn entirely so long as Santana Lopez continued to let him touch her boobs, and then after they gave each other their virginities over winter break it was all Finn could do to pry Puck off of Santana long enough to play a game of Halo. Even after she slapped him down because of his credit score, refused to call what they were doing on the side as 'serious,' and more or less made him feel like he was so bad at sex he turned her into a lesbian (Years later when he told her that she knocked him on his ass.) he still willing put up with her bitchy attitude because when her friends were in a pinch, she always came through for them. So yeah, their friendship was weirder and more unconventional, but Puck was there for Santana every time she needed him, from the day Karofsky told the whole school that he was gay and Santana was a lesbian to the shitty graduation party where Brittany called an end to sexy-fun-Lesbo time. Santana was there when the varsity team from Carmel tried to jump Finn, Puck, and the rest of the football team from McKinley (she kicked one guy so hard he had to have an _operation_ to retrieve his testical, it was awesome!) and she was the one who told Puck to 'quit being a pussy and fucking move his loser ass to New York City because I'm fucking sick of seeing your weeping about missing Rachel.'

The best part was when he decided to move into a shitty apartment in Queens that was way too much in rent and Finn quit his job working with Burt to come along and make sure that Puck didn't get robbed or at least make sure someone would be there to claim the body. After a few months of Rachel's nagging the both of them decided to try to apply and attend NYU with her while keeping their jobs down at the fish market and their shitty ass apartment that quickly became home to the both of them. (Puck didn't really doubt Finn getting in but honest surprise was what he felt when his acceptance letter came.) Then the big surprise came when after the fall semester Santana announced she was transferring from OSU and Rachel and her were going to be roommates, Puck nearly fell out of his chair from both shock and from laughing so hard thinking how the two were going to kill one another. The worst part (in Puck opinion) was when Rachel and Santana discovered a deep friendship that went beyond the Santittany Bond to the point they were practically sisters… and then started sharing stuff with each other... about _HIM_! He didn't mind when they both agreed that he had the best staying power in the sack (cause he did and was more than willing to prove that point to Rachel as many times as she wanted) but both him and Finn could've done without the… size comparisons between the two of them (or at least he did, Finn didn't mind so much after the general consensus put him as 'biggest.')

Those four years were easily the best of his life: he had his girl who he loved and absolutely adored him, living with his best bud who shared an interest in partying, beer, and Xbox, and having easily the best group of friends he could've asked for when the shit hit the fan. Especially when Eli Puckerman decided to make his triumphant return to his life as Dad Dying from Cancer and brought with him equal shares of abandonment issues and grief for the Puckerman clan. Needless to say it took Rachel on his left, Santana on his right, and Finn at his back inorder for him to make it through the funeral. Then there was the whole drama with Santana's parents getting divorced (being Catholic they stayed together way too long) and Santana's dad essentially calling her up in a rage, telling her she was worthless, a slut, and after her graduation he never wanted to see or hear from her again. (Looking back at all the parental absenteeism/rejection it was a small wonder the four of them _didn't_ become such close friends!) That was the day Puck finally understood why so many girls fell so hard for Finn. He was amazing! Finn somehow found a way to reach Santana through the tears and pain and let her know that even though her dad didn't see it she was a wonderful person, totally worthwhile, and deserving of every good thing that happened to her.

Puck was surprised it took them six whole months to pull their shit together and start dating, though Santana absolutely refused to say 'dating' and instead called it 'fucking each other and shit.'

So here they all were, Finn and Santana holding hands and Rachel alternating between wiping tears away and clamping onto his arm (she still loved his guns!) in some stuffy judge's chambers while he droned on in a bored tone of voice the words of a civil marriage vow. Santana refused the idea of a big church wedding and instead sent her parents a text (I'm getting married. Later.) while Puck wondered whether she was going to make to the end of the ceremony or if that kid was going to come shooting out of her belly like the xenomorph from _Alien_ (Rachel almost slapped him when he whispered that to her). Smiling Puck thought to himself, _Just one big, happy, fucked-up family!_


	9. Chapter 9

AN: I don't own Glee or it's characters. As always I would love reviews, and any suggestions for future stories.

Chapter 8: Genetics

By Hikako

So Puck was pretty much convinced that genetics... genetics were bullshit some times. He used to think it was awesome when one of the kids would do something exactly like their parents used to: he laughed so hard when Artie and Brittany's oldest son would stand up, wave his hands in the air, and yell 'PREACH!' whenever Mercedes broke out into an Aretha Franklin song. It still kinda scared him whenever Amanda pulled her blonde hair into a ponytail and became a mini-Quinn. The memory of seeing his little brown-eyed Sarah belt out 'Don't Rain on my Parade' with a huge smile on her face in her little black skirt and having the auditorium erupt into applause still made his heart swell with pride. Not to mention when an exasperated Rachel came home with a very excited Tyler (their youngest) sporting a mohawk and thinking it was the coolest haircut ever invented since the beginning of time! (Mostly cause it is!)

Then there are the Saturday mornings when he comes down the stairs and finds a federal mailbox sitting in the middle of his living room. When he wakes up to the sounds of someone trying to sneak stolen traffic signs and construction site debris into their room. (Although the giant wooden spool coffee table is badass and he remembers how many times he himself had wanted one back in high school.) The times he is pulled from a deep and well deserved sleep by his wife's insistant pokes to the ribs at 12:01 AM because of a missed curfew. The moments he sits in an elementary, then junior high, and finally a high school principal's office and swears that his mother's ghost is standing behind him and laughing at the irony of the situation. So he can't really say he's surprised when he opens the front door, at too-fuckin'-early AM, to see a police officer on his porch. _Fuck my life._

"Sir. Is this delinquent your son?"

"Dude, Finn, you know he is."

It was easy to see why most of the Gleek-ids (Kurt's phrase, not his) were scared straight by their Uncle Finn or Officer Hudson escorting them home looking very intimidating in his dark blue uniform, deep voice, and belt full of weapons that could possibly kill, maim, or stun a person. (Who the hell would give Finn Hudson a weapon of any kind, Puck would never vote for that guy again!) Except Michael just has this bored look on his face that says he couldn't care less while Officer Hudson has got his shoulder in a grip that looks like it snap his collarbone. The only thing running through Puck's mind: _please God don't let him have have commited a felony._

"As if that stupid haircut wasn't proof enough!" A voice (a very bitchy voice filled with attitude that Puck would know anywhere) said from behind Finn, and in an instance Officer Hudson was gone and his boy Finn is standing there, holding his dumbass son by the scruff of his neck. "San, baby," Finn said over his shoulder in that half-whiny voice that simultaneously asked his wife not to emasculate him and begged her to do it at the same time, "I'm handling this, just go back to the car."

Finn turned his body and Puck saw his oldest friend Santana standing there on his sidewalk, HBIC poise struck perfectly with hand on outthrust hip and head balanced on opposite shoulder, with her spare hand holding the shoulder of _her_ middle daughter Sierra. Poor girl looked so embarassed standing there in a way too short party dress (honestly Puck didn't even need to see the back to know it barely covered her ass), bedecked in some of the gaudiest gold jewelry (guess who bought those for her), with her dad in his police uniform, her mother in a fluffy bathrobe and matching slippers, and the look on Sierra's face told Puck that his favorite god-daughter just wanted the earth to swallow her up right then. Puck's thought: _Oh please God, let them have a robbed bank!_

No such luck.

"Do you know where your son was twenty minutes ago?" Santana half-asked, half-yelled. Puck took a deep breath and put a helpless expression on his face before replying. "I suppose it would be a bad idea to diffuse the tension with a joke like... 'underneath that skirt?'"

"Ha! Good one, Po-OW! Police brutality!" Michael stood there glaring at Finn while rubbing the back of his head. Sierra covered her face with her hands but she was practically glowing red at this point. Puck knew before the end of the night that she was going to be even more embarassed. Needless to say neither Santana or Finn found the joke amusing. Shaking his head Puck let them the four of them into the living room, where Sierra and Michael were sat on the couch while Finn and Santana stood over them like a double police interrogation and Puck sitting in his recliner waiting to hear the story.

"Let's start where the two sixteen-year olds decided to sneak out of the house on a school night..." Puck said.


End file.
